She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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