Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
3pm strippers are depressing
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
