Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
