Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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