i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
