dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
this hospital has no fireball
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
