there's paper in my vomit.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize