Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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