if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
