dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
