wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
