I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
