I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
