Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize