My hair reeks of homosexuality.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
