I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
