You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
