Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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