Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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