Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
