been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
there is glitter all over my balls
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
