This beer is not sobering me up at all
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
