Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
