check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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