we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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