Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
