shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
