I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
