What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
