Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
