happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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