another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
