If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
