we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Of course I have a pirate flag
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Randomize
