return my video game
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
two words: eviction party
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
