he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
