he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I love having hate sex.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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