look no pants
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
