Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
