where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize