What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize