if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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