If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
