i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
