so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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