He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
