Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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