I'm jealous of your bromance
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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