I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
