Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
