I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
