Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
