I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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