batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
