the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
