Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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