morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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