Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Randomize
