when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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