So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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