Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
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