This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize