So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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