ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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