Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize