mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
