I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
