ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
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