Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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