Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
