everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
