i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
