I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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