My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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