I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
