dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
