Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
