I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
