"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
