We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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