I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
