He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
