sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I supernannyed him into submission
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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