Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize