Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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