Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
