i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Still dying that you shit outside
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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