Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
