My room smells like vodka and shame
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
