Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
