who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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