Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
God, I missed his penis.
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