He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Randomize