she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize